Goddess of Happiness advice (cont.)
Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I come from a large family who always lived from paycheck to paycheck. Today I have my own family, and it seems like I’m the same way—always broke. How can I change my financial situation?
Evelyn
Brockton, MA
Dear Evelyn,
Most of us approach the issue of money by feeling like we need more of it or don’t have enough. Sometimes abundance in your life is as simple as changing your perception about money. For example, instead of feeling like you want more, imagine that you have plenty. Say, feel and believe each morning that you are a magnet for money; that you have more than enough money to take care of your family; that you are deserving of money; that you are happy with your financial status; that your family situation is different than the one you grew up in. It may take a while for you to truly think and feel this new way, but it’s certainly worth it. Anytime you flood your mind with positive thoughts, you send that energy into the Universe and you get back exactly what you feel you have.
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
My boyfriend is in jail and has been in there since June. Its a long story but he is not a bad person at all. He just gets mixed up with the wrong crowd. I know how smart and how much potential he has but I'm so scared for him. He thinks that fighting is okay because that’s how he was taught. When another guy disrespects him its a huge deal. I love him so much and don't want to lose him and I know I can help him I just dont know where to start. PLEASE HELP!
Cindy,
Albany, NY
Dear Cindy,
I agree that no person is inherently "bad", and understand that you feel deep love for your boyfriend and want to help him. Writing him letters and visiting him (if that's an option) will certainly let him know you haven't given up on him. However, changing a person's belief system takes more than that. He must be willing to see life in another way to change. He must not want to land in jail again no matter what the situation. He must love you enough to make that effort. The best thing he can do right now is be a model inmate, and get out as quickly as possible. If there are any counseling services for him either in jail or when he gets out, I would highly recommend that as an option. Sometimes talking with an objective person can do wonders. After that, it's up to him to want to change his ways. Then you need to make a decision: As much as you love him, do you want to be involved with someone with a volatile temper if he's not willing to get help to change?
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I have had three very close people in my life pass away in the last year and a half. The most recent was my brother who was totally unexpected at the age of 45. My parents are the only family I have left and they are 70 and 74. How do I deal with this? Every day I think about and am afraid I will loose the rest of my family. I feel so terribly bad for them as well. My brother was my only sibling and I have no children. I am 50 years old. Do you have any advice?
Thank You,
Gwynne
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Gwynne,
I had four family members die in four years, one from suicide (my younger sister at age 23). I also don't have any children and have one sibling left. My parents were two of the four that died.
One thing that immediately comes to mind is that you must live in the present, without worrying about when your parents will die. We will all cross over at some point, but if we live in fear of death (our own or anyone else's), we will never enjoy life. I know that's easier said than done, but it's a mindset that you can change if you really want to. Enjoy your parents while they are alive. Instead of feeling sorry for them, visit them, love them, take them places, etc. Spend the time they have here with you wisely and with love and passion. Also do the same with your brother.
One thing I found very helpful in dealing with grief was to put all my thoughts and feelings in a journal. That way, you take them out of your "worrying" mind and put them on paper...and leave them there. That's how I ended up writing the book, Vita's Will. And out of that darkness emerged a Goddess of Happiness!
Dear Goddess of Happiness,
Help, I really do have a difficult time being happy. I am recognizing that I am really tough on myself and it gets discouraging because I've worked on healing patterns, trauma, abuse etc, etc, for a lot of years and I’m kinda discouraged.
Gloria,
Leominster, MA
Dear Gloria,
Goddess, give yourself a break...a little breathing room. We are often our own worse critic. It comes from years and years of chasing and trying to live up to other’s expectations of us, whether that be our family, friends, co-workers or the media. It sounds like you’ve had ample professional help, yet still feel unworthy to be happy. Know that you are perfect just the way you are, and as such, are deserving of happiness. By accepting who you are and what is going on in your life right now, you can begin to find things to be happy about. Choose something, anything...not matter how small to love about yourself or a situation in your life. Focus on that every day and feel the happiness that surrounds it. When you’re comfortable, move on to another part of you or your life. Keep building upon this list of positive emotions. Write them down if that helps. Whenever you feel low, go back to that list and recreate those happy thoughts. Feel them and re-live them. Before you know it, the scale will tip in favor of more happy thoughts than discouraging ones.
Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I live with my boyfriend, and it feels like I do everything around the house. He argues that he does work, and that I just want him to live by my standards. How do I make it fair to both of us so that we can be happy together?
Barb
Philadelphia, PA
Dear Barb,
You’re not alone! Men and women often differ about what housework needs to be done and how. And women always feel they get the brunt of it...most times because they do! Instead of arguing about it in the heat of the moment, why not have a civil discussion and sort it out. Let your boyfriend know why you feel the way you do. I’m sure he wouldn’t want his goddess to be unhappy! Maybe you can divide the chores up equally on a written list and both agree to remain responsible. Remember, no household is perfect. Wouldn’t you rather be spending your time cuddling on the couch together rather than arguing who cleaned it last. In the big picture, your relationship is more important than housework.
Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I am in a long distance relationship with a guy that I fell I really love. It is so hard not being able to see his sweet smile and beautiful face every day. How can we both get through this time and keep each other happy?
Justine,
Downing, Missouri
Dear Justine,
If moving is not an option for either of you at this time, perhaps you can plan a date by which one of you would consider moving. In the meantime, keep the passion alive with your boyfriend—hand-write old-fashioned love notes and send via regular mail, make a video of you singing or talking to him, send little gifts, have a phone call date at the same time and day every week, invest in a video cell phones. And, of course, plan a regular rendezvous in your city or his...or maybe half way in between where you can rekindle your love. Even at a distance, your love can stay strong.
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