Is there something or someone in your life making or keeping you unhappy? Is there an area in your life you'd like to improve? From the trivial to the serious, you can ask The Goddess of Happiness.
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
After getting divorced 10 years ago ( I am 48), I have met someone wonderful. One issue which came up though was that she had a brief fling with a married guy a couple of years ago, and this has really got to me. I think it's because my ex-wife had an affair - way back - with my best friend when we lived in Japan. Now I am finding it hard to relegate my girlfriend's past to the past...... and contemplating breaking up with her.
Peter
Lancashire, UK
Dear Peter,
Congratulations on meeting someone with whom you want to share your life. Always be happy and thankful for that. It also sounds as if she has been open and honest with you about her previous relationship. Note the word "previous". Do not live in the past. Do not expect the past to repeat itself. Do not assume it's always about you. You can not enjoy this current relationship if you are worrying about what "might happen" due to circumstances that you were not involved in. Maybe this is your chance to break free of your fear of being hurt again. You must be present and trusting, AND, non-judgmental of other's past actions. Instead of filling your mind with thoughts of mistrust, fill it with thoughts of love and gratitude. Plunge ahead into LOVE!
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I am a wife and mother of two, married to a soldier in the military. My children aren't his, but I need his help with them and he won't help me. What should I do and what suggestions can you offer?
Lori,
Fort Richardson, Alaska
Dear Lori,
Your husband married you, but your children are part of the family too. Regardless of whether your children are his or not, responsibilities should be shared. However, in his defense, gaining an instant family overnight could be a bit overwhelming. Perhaps you could start with small tasks. Agree on one or two items he can help you with the children. Also sit down with your husband and explain that when he takes no interest in the well-being of your children whom YOU love, he is hurting you. He must realize that helping you with the children is something he should do because he loves YOU and wants both of you to have a happy marriage and family. If he won’t try helping out with a couple of small items, you’ll need to decide what, if any, level of involvement from him will make you a happy. Then speak your mind, Goddess.
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I'm a Mother of 2, married, work FT & go to school FT. I wake up at 5:15am each day to go running because I felt guilty going to the gym at night, taking time away from my family. When I NEED time to myself, a glass of wine with my girlfriends my husband gets upset. He feels like all of my free time should be dedicated to him and the kids w/out an ounce for me. Am I being selfish? Because everything I do in my life I do for my family,they are my everything. Help!
Stephanie
Burbank, CA
Dear Stephanie,
First of all Stephanie, let me applaud you for not only doing the hardest job in the world (being a mother), but also for working and going to school during it! I hope you recognize what a superwoman goddess you are! And, I hope your husband realizes it too. Most men could never accomplish what you’re doing and still stay sane. There are many women who feel guilty for taking time off from their families because they think their sole responsibility in life is to nurture everyone else. The thing about nurturing though, is that if you don’t nurture yourself first, you’ve got nothing left to give to others. And I mean nurturing all of youyour spiritual, emotional and physical self. Giving yourself time alone to look within helps you make decisions in life and work. Doing things that make you feel good once in a while ignites your passion and creativity. Taking care of your body with nutritious food and regular exercise keeps you healthy and looking good. None of that sound selfish to me! Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself! Would your husband rather you be burnt out, depressed, grumpy and ill? You are more than a wife and a mother. You deserve to have some time to yourself or to sip a leisurely glass of wine with your goddess girlfriends. Your time alone or with friends will rejuvenate your spirit so you can be a better mother or wife. If you’re family can’t understand that, let them be the grumpy ones!
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I have met the man of my dreams. He lives in another town around 15 to 20 minutes from me. I am a single mother of a 19 year old (she's married) and a 13 year old (she's hormonal...)The 13 year old has flown the coup and gone to live with her dad because she doesn't want to move. I'm devastated and cry A LOT. We were very close and now I feel lost. In the midst of my happiness there's this great sorrow and I miss my child. How can I reprogram myself? THANKS!
Julie,
Webster, Texas
Dear Julie,
So often we tend to focus on what’s going wrong in our lives rather than what’s going right. You have succeeded in having something many women never have the opportunity to have—a loving relationship. And, with someone who is available and loves you back! For that, Goddess, you should be very thankful!
Now, if everything in life was always perfect, what fun would it be? Life’s ups and downs are what make it interesting. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. Give yourself some serious kudos for raising two children on your own. But also realize that at some point in their lives, they need to start making their own decisions. Maybe some of those decisions aren’t the best choices for them or you, but respect their choices. The best thing you can do is to continue to show them both that you love them, no matter what choices they make. Your daughter has not left your life, just your house. You can still see her and spend quality time with her. And don’t feel guilty about making your own choice to be happy by moving in with your new love. It shows that you love yourself enough to bring happiness and love into your life. And that means you can love others as well!
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
Can you be happy with out love in your life?
Kim
Harrison, Montana
Dear Kim,
Your question is a simple one, and my answer will be too. There is no life without love. We are all made of love, whether or not you can see it. We are worthy of giving and receiving love in many ways. The very first love you must have, however, is love for yourself. Once you have that, your heart will open to experience love in every area of you life.
Every day look in the mirror and find something about you to love. This can be a physical trait such as your eyes or fingernails (nothing is too small or insignificant to love!) or something about you such as your love for animals or sense of humor. Focus on that trait and send yourself loving thoughts for having it. Keep adding to that list every day, and soon you’ll find that if you can love yourself, others will love you too. Remember you are a Goddess and as such, you are filled with love. You just need to believe you are!
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Dear Goddess of Happiness,
I live in NYC and my boyfriend had to move to DC to take a job. He has been visiting every weekend, but it has made everything between us stressful including the high cost of travel as well as the 4 hours each way spent traveling. We are committed to making it work, but how can we make this easier on the both of us?
Cara,
New York, NY
Dear Cara,
If your relationship is serious, with the intention to be together long-term, living four hours away could seem like you’re continents apart. How about meeting halfway for a day trip every other weekend, and on the alternate weekends, taking turns on who takes the trip to visit the other. That would eliminate having one person always do the traveling. When you do get together, try not to focus on the limited time you have together. Don’t wear a watch. Don’t plan too many things to do or places to go. Just enjoy each other’s company and allow the day to decide on how you spend it. Imagine how much longer and how less stressful it would be to just “do nothing” while you’re together. Enjoy the bliss of each other’s company every moment you’re together.
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